Stop Settling for “Fine:” Why What You Want Matters More Than Ever

Jun 16

Written By Karen Shatafian

Your Desires Are Trying to Tell You Something

Let me ask you something a little bold:

What do you really want?

Not just a nap in the sun or a toe curling orgasm, although sign me up for both of those.

I’m talking about the ache. (I call it the Midlife Ache.)

The desire for more.

The gratitude for what you have but the deep knowing there has to be more.

The secret daydream that flashes across your mind.

It might hit while in a meeting.

Driving to the grocery store.

During a Netflix binge.

That longing isn’t nonsense.

And it’s definitely not a midlife crisis. (Don’t get me started on the term midlife crisis.)

Your desire is your truth trying to get your attention.

That voice in your gut?

The whisper that says, “There’s more for you than this?”

She’s not being dramatic.

She’s calling you into your best life.

Why You Don’t Trust Your Desire

Let’s call it what it is: patriarchal societal conditioning is the reason you deny yourself pleasure.

If you’re a woman over 40, you were raised to be selfless, accommodating, grateful, appropriate.

You were trained to want less, need less, ask for less.

Somewhere along the way, desire for women got labeled as:

Selfish

Bad

Unladylike (barf)

“Too much”

And so you learned to edit yourself.

To shelve your cravings.

To deny the ache.

But I want you to hear this:

Desire isn’t wrong. It’s your freaking North Star.

Women have become disconnected from their desires.

Some women over 40 admit they don’t even know what they want anymore.

Let that sink in.

This isn’t because your desires dried up.

It’s because you’ve been taught to doubt them.

To bury them under a pile of responsibilities, perfectionism, and people-pleasing.

But the truth?

Your longing is actually your guide.

It’s the part of you that still believes in possibility. In magic. In joy. In YOU.

It’s time to stop shaming it and start honoring it.

Pleasure Isn’t Just Sex

Pleasure doesn’t just mean hot, steamy sex (though I’m here for it.)

Pleasure isn’t a reward you earn after finishing your to-do list. (This faulty belief is what was subconsciously keeping me from pleasure. Read more here.)

Pleasure is the blueprint for a fully lived and loved life.

It’s:

That first sip of coffee in a quiet house

Skin on freshly washed sheets

Laughing so hard your belly hurts

Saying no without explanation

Lighting the fucking candle just because you want to

Pleasure is a reclamation.

A rebellion against a world that taught you to shrink. To disappear. To not want too much.

And let’s be honest: the patriarchy profits from women who are too tired, too disconnected, and too damn

busy to ask, “What do I want?”

But we’re done with that now.

Ready For a Small (But Mighty) Win?

Let’s stop waiting for permission and start asking for what we want.

Try this:

Name one thing you desire.

Not what you “should” want. What you actually want.

More travel? A creative project? Better sex? A solo Saturday?

Say it out loud.

In your journal. In the mirror. In your best friend’s voicemail.

Then take one tiny action today that moves you in that direction

Craving connection? Call someone you miss, just to chat.

Longing for beauty? Buy the damn flowers.

Desire freedom? Cancel something that sucks the life out of you.

It doesn’t have to be huge.

It just has to feel good. And feel like you!

Stop Apologizing for Your Desire

You don’t owe anyone an explanation for wanting what you want.

You don’t have to earn joy.

Or justify pleasure.

Or prove you're worthy of more.

You already are. Just because.

Let’s light the f*cking candle and stop waiting for the right time.

**Join Me July 1–3 for Light the F*cking Candle**

A free 3-Day Pleasure Reset for women who are done waiting.

We’re flipping the script on guilt, shame, and burnout.

And we’re choosing joy without needing a reason.

Let’s silence the noise and reconnect with what lights us the f*ck up.

Ready to reclaim you joy and put a mischievous grin back on your face, click the link to sign up for the free pleasure reset.

✅ Here’s Your Quick Wins Checklist

✔️ Name your desire
✔️ Say it out loud
✔️ Take one small action toward it today
✔️ Reclaim your joy without apology
✔️ Join Light the F*cking Candle (July 1–3)

Leave a comment and let me know which one you did today!

Karen Shatafian

Karen is a personal development mentor and life and empowerment coach for women over 40. She’s been inspiring and empowering women over 40 since 2013. She is a surfer, a mom, an avid coffee drinker and lover of all rescue animals. Karen works with women in an intimate and supportive environment as she helps them gain clarity on how they want their lives to look and create new chapters after divorce, empty nest, or many of the other midlife transitions. She helps women gain the confidence to design their lives in ways that feel really f*cking good. If you’re a woman moving through midlife and you’d like to get on a free call with Karen, click this link.