Burn the Guilt and Light the F*cking Candle: The Radical Act of Feeling Good (Now)
Stop Earning Your Joy. Start Claiming It.
Let’s stop dancing around the truth:
Women over 40 have been conditioned to earn everything. Rest. Joy. Pleasure.
Even a damn glass of wine at the end of the day.
We’ve absorbed the message that feeling good is a reward we get after we’ve hustled, fixed, and held up the damn sky.
Let me ask you something that might piss off the patriarchy: (And I’m here for THAT!)
What if you stopped waiting?
What if you stopped negotiating with your to-do list before letting yourself exhale?
What if lighting the fucking candle wasn’t a treat…but a declaration?
The Generational Lie We’ve Swallowed Whole
Us Gen X Girlies were raised on delay:
Wait until the work is done
Wait until the kids are grown
Wait until the house is clean
Wait until someone else is okay
Wait until your body looks different
Wait until it’s “special enough” to feel joy
Sound familiar?
This is the emotional bullsh*t passed down to us like fine china and good girl conditioning:
You don’t matter unless everyone else is taken care of.
But let’s be real: that’s not something to be proud of. That’s exhaustion.
The Science of SelfCare
When you ditch the guilt around self-care, you're not just giving the bird to the patriarchy, you’re aligning with a research-backed reality.
A 2023 survey reveals that about 70% of women in their 40s and 50s spend less than five hours a week on themselves, less than an hour a day, ignoring their own needs most days. (WTF?)
According to an article on self-care guilt, 19% of single women feel selfish for taking time for themselves, and that number jumps to 86% of married women, who feel the weight of permission and people-pleasing on their shoulders. theglasshammer.com.
You keeping yourself on the back burner isn’t a you problem.
It’s a culture problem.
And that means the most powerful thing you can do…is refuse to play by society’s rules
(These rules weren’t made for you anyway, here’s why.)
You’re Not Alone
This isn’t made up, it’s reality.
The time-starved overwhelm. Most midlife women aren’t even getting a chance to pause weekly becasue of all the things on their plate.
The emotional guilt tied to claiming joy, rest, or pleasure isn’t a myth, it’s something we’re raised with.
Reframing self-care is essential for mental health, not optional. FACTS!
Here’s Your Permission to Change the Narrative
When you “light the candle,” when you prioritize your joy, you're rebelling against societal expectations.
You’re joining a growing movement of women over 40 who are saying:
“I will not wait anymore.”
“My needs matter.”
“I choose to feel good, right f*cking now.”
Your Tiny (But Mighty) Rebellion
It doesn’t do any good to just talk about it. We have to DO something about it.
So here’s your assignment for this week:
Light the candle.
Yes, that candle.
The one you’re “saving.”
The one that cost too much.
The one you think needs a reason.
YOU are the reason.
Let it burn while you do nothing productive.
Let it fill your space with the reminder:
“I don’t have to earn this. I am worthy of feeling good right now.”
Want to Burn Brighter?
This is just the spark.
Light the F*cking Candle is a 3-day pleasure reset (July 1–3) for women who are DONE putting themselves last. (Me included.)
You’ll unhook from guilt, rewrite the rules, and reconnect to your joy, radically and unapologetically.
Because you don’t need another productivity hack.
You need a f*cking permission slip. And we’re going to write one, together!
Leave a comment and I’ll get you one the list.
Join us. We’re not waiting anymore.
