The Loneliness No One Talks About

No one talks about the kind of loneliness you can feel inside a relationship. The loneliness that comes not from being physically alone, but from not feeling seen, heard, or understood.

It’s the kind of loneliness that points out the cracks, especially in a marriage, if you’re brave enough to pay attention.

Some of the loneliest moments of my life happened when I was still married. In the end, we had become the cliché: two ships passing in the night.

On the outside, we looked fine. We made meals, went to back-to-school nights, sat on the sidelines of basketball games, even took family trips to Mexico. We did all the “normal” things.

But quietly, over time, we started drifting. Different interests. Different values. Different priorities, except for our kids, who were always both of our first priority.

And that slow disconnect built a loneliness so heavy it turned me into someone I didn’t even recognize in the mirror anymore.

Why Loneliness Stings in Midlife

Midlife has its own brand of loneliness. The kids leave, and the house that was once buzzing with chaos suddenly feels too quiet.

Menopause shifts your body and your moods, and you find yourself morphing into someone new, without a map.

And if you’re facing divorce or separation, there’s the deep grief of endings you never imagined you’d have to live through.

Now layer the holidays on top. Everywhere you look it’s parties, picture-perfect cards, and “most wonderful time of the year” vibes.

But what if your reality doesn’t look like that?

What if you’re sitting in the middle of a crumbling marriage, navigating your first holiday alone, or simply carrying the ache of change?

The world doesn’t prepare women for this. It tells us to hold it all together, make everyone else happy, and ignore our own truth.

So instead of feeling like we’re allowed to say, “This is hard,” and reach for support, we pile on shame, wondering why we can’t just suck it up and “be happy” like everyone else seems to be.

The Hidden Weight We Carry

Here’s the thing I’ve learned: loneliness in midlife isn’t just about missing connection. It’s about missing yourself.

Christmas hits especially hard. Society tells us, the holidays are THE “most magical time of the year.” We must keep all the traditions alive; decorating, cooking, shopping, wrapping, making sure everyone else has what they need.

On the outside, it needs to look picture perfect. Even if you’re crumbling on the inside

This was me. I wasn’t present, I wasn’t joyful, and I wasn’t even honest with myself about how much I was hurting. I felt invisible not just to others, but to me.

That’s what we don’t say out loud: loneliness is often the gap between the performing and who we really are.

Admitting “I feel lonely” feels like failure. So instead, we over-function. We smile. We hold it together. We make it magical for everyone else and collapse in silence when it’s over.

But here’s the truth I want you to hear: silence doesn’t heal the pain. Owning it does.

Journal Prompt: Take five minutes today and simply write this sentence:
“Right now, my loneliness feels like…” and let yourself finish it honestly each time. No editing. No shame. Just the truth.

Self Reflection: “What do I need most when I feel lonely, and how could I give myself even a small taste of that without waiting for someone else to provide it?”

You Don’t Have to Go Through It Alone

I created the Holiday Divorce Survival Coaching Plan because I know exactly what it feels like to be drowning in loneliness while still pretending to be “strong” or “fine.” These calls aren’t about pretending the holidays are easy. They’re about giving yourself space to show up real, and to be reminded there’s nothing wrong with you.

You’re a woman who is starting to listen to her intuition and finally choosing herself.

If you’re a midlife woman in any stage of divorce (even if you’re just considering it) and you don’t want to white knuckle your way through this holiday season, let’s get on a free call. Click the link. Early sign-ups are open now. Don’t wait until the loneliness gets louder. Claim your spot today.

For midlife women desiring more support, sign up for my weekly newsletter, Dare You To Move, where you get midlife inspiration and motivation, divorce tools + tips, plus all my blog posts, podcast episodes, and added goodies in one spot.