In The Thick of Divorce: Rebuilding Without a Blueprint

Leaving feels like the hardest part. And in a lot of ways it is.

Once you make the brave decision and finally say out loud, “I can’t do this anymore,” the relief is instant.

But it’s the next part that feels like the rug was pulled from beneath you. You start asking yourself, holy sh*t, now what?

There’s no instruction manual. No roadmap. No curated list of “do this, then this.” Just the wide-open space of the unknown, and you standing in the middle of it with a mix of fear, grief, and a tiny glimpse of freedom.

It’s the beginning of the messy middle.

And honestly? That part can feel harder than choosing to leave.

Moving Forward When Divorce Feels Overwhelming

We’re given a thousand rules for how to stay married, how to be a good wife, keep the family together, and hold it all together for everyone else.

But the moment you say, “I’m choosing me,” that rulebook disappears.

You’re left staring at your life thinking:

• What now?

• What happens to my kids?

• How do I afford this?

• Will I regret it?

• Am I strong enough to do this?

Nobody hands you answers. And that silence is brutal. So if you’re in this place right now, alone in the overwhelm, I see you.

Why No One Prepares Women for Life During a Divorce

No one prepares you for life during a divorce because nobody says this powerful truth out loud: it’s okay to choose yourself.

Nobody tells you that you don’t have to keep shrinking inside a life that no longer fits.

Women are breaking the rules when we choose ourselves because society tells us above all else, to sacrifice for the people we love.

And when you finally get brave enough to say, “I’m done,” you discover there’s no roadmap waiting for you. No step-by-step playbook to reassure you you’re doing it “right.”

But here’s what you do know, deep down in your bones: you are making the right choice. And it’s time to write your own freaking rules.

Navigating the Messy Middle of Divorce

This is where so many women get stuck. Not because they don’t want a better life, but because they think they need external validation, or a detailed plan, before they move forward.

Newsflash: you don’t.

When you’re in the thick of it, you won’t have it all figured out. And that’s okay.

It’s about learning to sit in the discomfort of not knowing, the sting of self-doubt, and still take the next step.

For me, the messy middle looked like telling my kids about the divorce, and getting it painfully wrong.

It looked like sitting alone on Christmas Day, feeling both peace and unbearable loneliness.

I’ll be real: I f*cked some things up during my own midlife divorce. A lot of them.

So many nights, I sat in my house, gutted and terrified, but with a glimmer of peace because I had finally moved in the direction I knew I needed to go.

Nobody tells you about these moments, the guilt that eats you alive, the way you gaslight yourself into thinking maybe you should have tried harder.

I wish someone had told me this powerful truth:

It’s okay to feel guilty at first. It’s normal because you’re a compassionate, loving human. You will tell yourself if you just sucked it up and stayed quiet, everyone else would be fine.

Everyone but you.

So yes, guilt comes with the territory when you’re a woman choosing herself.

Allow it. Feel it. But don’t set up camp there. Work through it, and know that once you do, you’ll set yourself free. And then the rebuilding can begin.

My first steps weren’t neat. They weren’t pretty. They were one bill paid. One hard conversation survived. One small act of self-compassion.

Even when I got things wrong, learning to sit with my guilt and move through it helped me take the next small step forward. And this reassured me that choosing myself was right.

The Myth of a “Right Way” to Do Divorce

There’s this myth that there’s some “right” way to do divorce.

Like if you blew up your life, you’d better have a “valid” reason, and you’d better have it all figured out.

Nope. I’m not signing off on that. That’s not where you power is.

The real power is in the moment you finally say, “F*ck this, I’m choosing me.”*

That’s the shift. That’s the part that changes your whole life.

Because divorce and putting your life back together is not a straight line. It’s messy.

It’s crying in your car in the afternoon and laughing with your girlfriends that same night.

It’s paying the mortgage, insurance, and taxes on your own, and realizing you CAN f*cking do this.

It’s rediscovering yourself, piece by piece.

There is no “right” way. There’s just your way.

Some days will feel like freedom. Some days will feel like grief and loss. Both are normal. Both are part of the process.

The power isn’t in having a blueprint, it’s in trusting yourself enough to take the next step, even when you don’t know where the road leads.

What Women Need to Hear After They Choose Divorce

You don’t need a 5-year plan.

You don’t need anyone’s approval.

You don’t need to explain to a single soul why you chose yourself. (I struggled with this one BIG TIME!).

You’re allowed to wing it and listen to the whispers of your intuition.

You get to change your mind. You get to get it wrong.

You’re not failing, you’re navigating. And every messy, imperfect step is proof that you’re braver than you think.

Because it can feel uncomfortable not having a blueprint. But the beauty is, nobody else gets to design this life but you.

Choosing Yourself After Divorce

If you’re in the thick of it, hear me: you’re not failing, although I know sometimes it feel like you are.

You’re making the brave decision to choose YOU. You’re figuring out what YOU want. You’re deciding how you want this next chapter to look and feel.

And that sh*t takes guts.

But the risk of having no blueprint? You don’t have clarity on where you’re going. What you’re building.

But if you’re stuck in the overwhelm and self doubt? I got you! Here’s a good place to start:

• Still Standing Reality Check — a free resource for those nights when guilt and self doubt are eating you alive.

• Rewrite Your Story Journal Prompts — a way to heal, reclaim your power and start again. No strings attached.

• Book a Free Call — because sometimes you just need a wing woman who’s been there to walk beside you.

You don’t need a perfect plan. You don’t need permission.

You just need the courage to take one step, and then another.

Creating your blueprint isn’t easy, but it’s where you get to figure it out along the way and finally build a life that feels like yours.

And that, my darling, is worth every messy, brave, beautiful step.