Starting Over At 50: Create The Life You Want (Even If You Think It’s Too Late)

Written By Karen Shatafian

If you’re a woman in midlife, you need to hear this:

Starting over at 50 (or 40 for that matter) is NOT easy.

It’s also not a tragedy, a crisis, or a sign that you “failed.”

And it certainly doesn’t mean something is wrong with you.

A midlife reset is a reclamation.

It’s a middle finger to all the rules you were told you had to follow.

And, for me, it was the most radical act of self love.

The Day I Chose to Start Over

I didn’t wake up one morning and say, “You know what would be fun? Turning my life upside down.”

It didn’t happen over night. It happened over years of pushing my desires down, silencing myself, and pretending “fine” was good enough.

I slowly started to realize I had been disappearing in my own marriage.

No toxic communication. No explosive blow up. No dramatic exit moment.

Just a whisper that said, “I can’t do this anymore.”

On paper, my life looked “good.”

But inside? I was lonely. I was shrinking. I was living a life that looked fine from the outside but felt empty on the inside.

THE hardest part in choosing myself was hurting the people I loved most.

So if you are in this place thinking you have to choose between your own happiness or the happiness of the people you love, I SEE YOU!

And I know you’re thinking, it’s one or the other, but I’m here to say IT’S NOT.

You can love your kids, respect your spouse, and still know, deep in your bones, that this isn’t working anymore.

Choosing to leave was the hardest, most gut-wrenching, and yet most liberating decision I’ve ever made.

We’ve been conditioned as women to believe that we’re not a “good” partner, mother, person if we choose our ourselves. And this conflict between who we truly are vs. who the world tells us to be, is too much pain for some women to take. So they stay, and settle.

We have been spoon-fed the same stale script for decades:

  • Be grateful for what you have.

  • Don’t rock the boat.

  • Suck it up, this is just what marriage is like.

  • You signed up for this.

  • You should be lucky he’s a “good guy.”

And the crown jewel of all the BS: “It’s too late to start over.”

Let me say it louder for the women in the back:
That is complete and utter bullshit.

It’s never too late. The only “too late” is the day you decide you’re done wanting more for yourself.

You are allowed to want more than survival. You’re allowed to want more than just “okay.”

You are allowed to want a life that turns you on, wakes you up, and fills you with joy instead of just going through the motions.

Starting over is not selfish. It’s not reckless.

Choosing yourself in a culture that tells women they “shouldn’t” want more, is a revolutionary act.

THAT’S why it feels wrong, not because it actually is. (Read that again.)

Reclamation Isn’t Just About Divorce

Yes, my starting over began with divorce.
But I coach women who are reclaiming themselves in all kinds of ways:

  • Leaving a career that’s crushing their soul.

  • Finally putting boundaries in place with family.

  • Moving to a new city where they don’t know a soul.

  • Saying yes to desire, adventure, or self-indulgence for the first time in decades.

The common thread?

They’ve all stopped asking for permission.

How to Be OK With Starting Over (Even When You’re Terrified)

Here’s what I learned in the messy middle of my own reset, and what I teach the women I work with:

1️⃣ Name What You’re Leaving Behind. Say It Out Loud.
Stop bullshitting yourself. Stop sugarcoating it. Whether it’s a marriage, a job, or an old version of yourself, get crystal clear on why you can’t stay. On why you want more. This clarity will carry you through the guilt, doubt, and what the hell am I doing? moments.

2️⃣ Claim What You’re Walking Toward
It’s not enough to walk away. You need something worth walking toward. Freedom? Peace? Adventure? Pleasure? Yell it from the rooftops. Remind yourself daily what you want and that you are worthy of whatever it is.

3️⃣ Allow the Grief and the Goodness
Starting over is not all champagne and “new chapter” photos. You will cry in the shower. You will not want to get out of bed some days. You will second guess yourself and wonder if you made a mistake. Let both truths exist: it’s hard and it’s worth it.

4️⃣ Build Your Table
Midlife resets are not meant to be navigated alone. Surround yourself with people who will listen and love on you, that will celebrate your wins, hold you accountable, and remind you who the hell you are when you forget. Because you will forget. The people that truly love you, want you to be the happiest version of yourself. Keep them close.

My Truth at 56

I’m not here because I had a perfect plan. In fact, there were many days I asked myself, “WTF are you doing?”

I had to trust that deep down, I knew what I was doing.

I chose myself, even when it was messy, inconvenient, and scared the freaking hell out of me.

Starting over at 50 (or 40) is not about having it all figured out. It’s about trusting yourself enough to take the first step, then the next, then the next… until one day you realize you’re not “starting over” anymore. You’re living the life that was meant for you.

If you’re reading this and you’re standing at the edge of your own life wondering, “Can I really do this?”- whatever “this” is - the answer is YES.
You can. You’re allowed. And you don’t need anyone’s permission slip but your own.

Your Turn:
Are you at a crossroads and ready for a reset? Tell me in the comments, or send me a DM and let’s talk about what your next chapter could look like.

Because I am your wing woman, I created some free resources for women navigating big questions in midlife:

Remember: you’re not too old and it’s never too late to live a life that lights you up! If you need help, I’m here! :)

Karen Shatafian

Karen is a personal development mentor and life and empowerment coach for women over 40. She’s been inspiring and empowering women over 40 since 2013. She is a surfer, a mom, an avid coffee drinker and lover of all rescue animals. Karen works with women in an intimate and supportive environment as she helps them gain clarity on how they want their lives to look and create new chapters after divorce, empty nest, or many of the other midlife transitions. She helps women gain the confidence to design their lives in ways that feel really f*cking good. If you’re a woman moving through midlife and you’d like to get on a free call with Karen, click this link.

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Midlife Divorce Isn’t a Crisis, It’s A Reclamation