Filling The Midlife Void: Three Secrets To Putting Yourself On The Front Burner

Jan 26

Many of the women I work with struggle with not recognizing themselves anymore. They look in the mirror and ask, “What happened to the woman I used to be?”

This is incredibly common in midlife.

It is natural when we are raising our children and striving in our professions to put all our energy and emotion into the day to day and taking care of everyone and everything around us. We do it well.

We become the glue that holds everything together.

However, after years of holding everything together, sometimes we begin to fall apart. We reach an age, usually around midlife but it can certainly happen sooner, where we feel the ache of discontent. We wake up in a life, sometimes even a pretty good life, where we find ourselves yearning for more. Wondering what happened to the young woman who used to live in this body.

After years of growing families, businesses, and bank accounts we stop to pause and realize we have forgotten one very important element . . . growing ourselves.

You Are Here For A Reason

You were put on this planet for specific reasons. You have gifts and magic unique to you and when you aren’t nurturing these and putting them out into the world, they go dormant. And when they go dormant, you become disconnected from your essence and start to feel out of sync. You feel a void but can’t quite figure out how to fill it.

It’s important you learn how to fill it by putting yourself back on the front burner and nurturing who you were created to be. Yes, you may have been created to be a mother and you are an excellent one, but you also have a plethora of desires and passions inside you that need to be set free.

Filling this void will help you create happiness in your life. When you fill the void with your passions and purpose, you live in alignment with your authentic self and this will bring you back into sync.

You will never feel in sync, at peace, and truly joyful if you are always trying to fill the void by looking outside of yourself. By being all things to all people. By doing what you think you should be doing instead of what you want to be doing. By neglecting parts of yourself, the parts that make you who you are.

I understand that you aren’t used to putting your needs first. Women aren’t conditioned that way.

I know it’s hard to start looking at your own dreams. You have been trained to put everyone before you. You have learned it is selfish to take care of yourself before taking care of others.

And that’s ok when your child is a newborn and depends on you for every need. Or when they are 7 and wake up in the middle of the night with the flu. Or when they are 14 and need to be picked up from an amusement park. But at what point do you start taking care of them less and taking care of yourself more? When they’re 30?

It’s Time To Rewrite The Story

Your identity has been formed through sacrificing, sometimes even to the point where you feel guilty for thinking of yourself first or for not rushing in to rescue the people around you.

But it’s time to rewrite that story.

It’s time to start looking at the rest of your life and deciding what you want it to look like.

You can continue denying your own needs and desires and trying to be all things to all people, all the while shriveling up inside.

Or you can ditch the guilt and start to ease yourself into putting your needs first.

Or you can dive right in. Up to you.

You can learn what it feels like to nourish your soul.

You can learn what it feels like to lose track of time because you’re doing something that makes your heart sing.

You can learn what it feels like to be at peace because you know the only person you need to cherish in this moment is you.

You can learn what it feels like to let go of the things that no longer serve you.

You can learn what it feels like to be happy, deep in your soul.

Ready?

Three Secrets To Putting Yourself on the Front Burner

Here are three secrets to putting yourself on the front burner so you can fill the void and create a life you love.

Get Rid Of The Guilt

1) Ditch the guilt. Guilt is a useless emotion unless you have truly hurt someone and then it’s your conscience stepping in to self-correct. Guilt doesn’t help anyone. It is simply something you have learned to use because you haven’t been able to trust yourself enough to feel otherwise. When you use guilt to help you make decisions, you are not living true to who you are and this pushes you more and more out of sync.

Give Yourself Permission

2) Give yourself permission. Write yourself a permission slip from your soul. Your soul is giving you permission to nurture all the areas you’ve been neglecting while you’ve been taking care of others. There is no shame here. Most mothers and some women in general have a hard time putting their needs first. We were raised with messages that a “good” mother or a “good” woman takes care of and sacrifices her own needs for her children, or her man, or her parents, or . . .

Whatever messages you need to rewrite in order to give yourself permission to put your desires on the front burner, get your pen out sister, it’s time. We aren’t getting any younger!

Make Time For Yourself Daily

3) Start to make time for yourself daily. After you do #1 and #2 above, put yourself on your calendar. Schedule a massage, a painting class, a yoga training, or how about a fucking nap? Start to make time for the things that nurture your soul or make your heart dance.

I know it may not come naturally at first but putting your needs and passions on the front burner is one surefire way to fill the midlife void and start to create a life you’re in love with.

If you need help giving yourself permission, ditching the guilt, and figuring out what makes your heart sing, get on a free call with me.

I am here to encourage you along!

I want you to make the most of the life you’ve been given.

If you’d like more tips on how to get out of your comfort zone, fill the midlife void, and live the life you were created for,

Get into my FREE Facebook Group, Riding The Midlife Wave

Here you will get inspiration, encouragement, and a sisterhood of women all looking to make the most of their one precious midlife! Hope to see you there.

With Love and Courage,

Karen

Karen Shatafian

Karen is a life coach for midlife women and personal development mentor. She’s been inspiring and empowering women over 40 since 2013. She is a surfer, a mom, an avid coffee drinker and lover of all rescue animals. Karen works with women in an intimate and supportive environment as she helps them gain clarity on how they want their lives to look and create new chapters after divorce, empty nest, or many of the other midlife transitions. She helps women gain the confidence to design their lives in ways that feel really f*cking good. If you’re a woman in midlife and you’d like to get on a free call with Karen, click this link.