The Grief No One Talks About: Healing the Hidden Losses of Midlife
Nobody hands you a pamphlet when you hit 45 that says, “Heads up: the grief you’re about to experience in the next 15 years will drop you to your knees.”
But here we are.
Midlife is full of invisible grief, grief that doesn’t get casseroles or sympathy cards. Grief that no one talks about. Grief you’re expected to “power through,” smile, and be grateful for because you’re still here. And at 56, I agree being here is something to celebrate. But let’s be honest: being here doesn’t always bring comfort when you’re standing in the ashes of everything that’s shifted, faded, or disappeared forever.
If you’re a midlife woman, this blog is your permission slip to say, “Yes, I’m grieving, I’m allowing myself a pause, and when I’m ready, I will reclaim who I am.”
Midlife can definitely be a time of liberation and self-discovery for women. Yet, for most of us, it also brings a cascade of unacknowledged grief. There are the notable losses, the loss of loved ones. And then there are the losses society doesn’t readily recognize but are deeply felt nonetheless. From the fading of youth to the shifting of relationships, these silent sorrows can leave women feeling isolated and disconnected.
Let’s dive into it. Let’s talk about the hidden grief that many women endure during this life stage and explore what to do about it.
The Grief You Weren’t Prepared For
Grieving Who You Used to Be
Remember her? The version of you who felt alive, hopeful, maybe a little reckless? She didn’t need a calendar reminder to schedule fun. Now, after years of being the glue, the planner, the fixer… you’re tired. You might not feel very fun anymore. And you wonder if she’s gone for good.
Spoiler: She’s not. And it’s okay to want her back.
Mourning the Body That You Don’t Recognize Anymore
An aging body can feel familiar and foreign all at the same time. Losing strength and gaining aches and pains. Losing elasticity and gaining the meno-middle.
Your body’s changing, and suddenly your reflection feels like that of a stranger.
Add in the hormones that are running around unchecked and it’s enough to make a woman think she’s going batshit crazy.
Or maybe you’re even dealing with your own health issues.
Balance that with feeling more comfortable in your own skin than ever and maybe even welcoming the wrinkles and silver strands.
It can leave a woman confused and questioning.
Let me say right now, there’s nothing wrong with you.
It’s ok to grieve your former body, AND decide you’ve never loved yourself more.
But, wanting what was can feel like grief. And this grief is real. It deserves compassion, not shame.
Grief of Losing Loved Ones
Now for the grief we do talk about… kind of. The Mac Daddy of them all. Death.
Midlife is when these losses come at warped speed. Parents. Siblings. Friends. Maybe even partners or excruciatingly, children. Sometimes slowly, sometimes suddenly, and always life-altering.
You’re carrying the weight of missing them while trying to keep life moving. It’s heartbreaking and exhausting. And sometimes you don’t know how you’re going to get out of bed tomorrow.
I want you to know, You’re allowed to pause, to fall apart. And rebuild at your own pace. When you’re ready.
Relationships That Fade or Fracture
There’s nothing worse than realizing the people who used to get you… just don’t anymore.
Friendships can shift or fade, marriages can face new challenges or end altogether.
Shifts in relationships can lead to feelings of loneliness and grief.
This kind of loss cuts deep because we’re wired for connection.
Just like this article talks about, Female Friendships are the Unsung Secret to Longevity.
And making new connections in midlife presents its own set of challenges.
At a time when we’re desiring more authentic relationships, we can be left feeling lonelier than ever.
The Grief of Dreams Deferred
Maybe you thought you’d write a book by now. Start that business. Travel the world. Leave the marriage. Fall in love again.
Midlife has a way of holding a mirror up to the dreams we buried under diapers, deadlines, and doing-the-right-thing.
I want you to hear this, it’s okay to grieve what hasn’t happened.
And it’s okay to resurrect or even change your dreams.
You’re allowed to be sad about the things that may never materialize but that doesn’t mean there aren’t amazing possibilities in your future.
You’re never too late to create your best life. But first grieve what was never meant to be.
So How the Hell Do You Move Through Grief in Midlife?
1. Name It. Then Allow Yourself To Feel It.
Grief isn’t always loud. Sometimes it looks like irritability, disconnection, or that quiet ache when no one’s looking.
Call it what it is. You’re not “being dramatic.” You’re a human, having human reactions to the complexity of life.
It’s okay to say you’re grieving, even over things that don’t “seem like a big deal.”
2. Find Your People
Grief deserves sacred space.
Find a coach (oh hey, hi!) or a community that gets it. People that say, “me too,” “I get it,” or “I see you.
Not “you should be grateful,” ”look on the bright side,” or “it could be worse.”
Find people that validate you, not try to minimize your experience.
3. Reclaim Something That Feels Like YOU aka Remember Who The F*ck You Are
Start small. Do something you love. Paint. Walk barefoot in the grass. Write the damn poem.
It’s not about “getting over it,” it’s about remembering YOU are still in there and YOU still matter.
4. Love Yourself Fully
No matter what you call it, take care of yourself. Feel your feelings. Set your boundaries. Do things that feel good. (Get the damn massage.) Things are allowed to be messy. You are allowed to be messy. Don’t forget to see the beauty in it all. And if you need help focusing on radical self care, check out this blog post I wrote.
You’re Not Broken. You’re Becoming.
Midlife grief is sneaky. It shows up when you least expect it. In the rage. And certainly in the silence.
But beneath it is you. The real you. The you who’s reclaiming herself.
Grief doesn’t mean you’ve lost yourself, it means you’re stepping into the next version of yourself. And you’re taking your grief with you. It’s part of you.
Grieving the hidden and not so hidden losses of midlife is not a sign of weakness, it’s a sacred invitation.
To pause.
To reflect.
To say f*ck the timeline.
To heal.
To rediscover yourself, one piece at a time.
And this next version of you, this strong beautiful woman you’re becoming? She’s going to blow your damn mind.
**If you’re dealing with any kind of midlife grief and need a sounding board, let’s get on a free supportive call. We can talk about what you’re grieving. Maybe it fels too heavy or maybe you can’t even put a name to it. Either way, let’s talk and decide what is the next, best, small step you can take to help with your healing and get you closer to joy.
