When The Holidays Still Feel Complicated, Even Years After Divorce

For the woman who’s not newly divorced… but still navigating the pain, the shifts, and the surprising sweetness of this season

People assume the first holiday season after divorce is the hardest.
Sometimes it is.

But surprisingly, the same ole sh*t can pop up even years later.

A year in.
Five years in.
You’re never quite sure which year will carry with it the grief you thought was gone.

Because rebuilding after a divorce isn’t just a single season, it’s an evolution.
And the holidays? They have a way of shining a light on the tender parts.

Maybe you’re like me. A woman who’s been divorced for a while, who’s done the work, who’s built a life that finally feels like hers.
And then November shows up.
The lights are twinkling.
You hear Mariah Carey through the speakers.
And something starts to shift inside your heart.

For me, it’s the old grief around the fact I will forever be missing out on some of the my kids’ holiday memories. The ones they make with their father.

This isn’t the pain that sends me to my knees anymore, but it’s just painful enough to remind me that this wasn’t the path I thought I’d be walking.

That’s how grief works after divorce.
It doesn’t come crashing in like it used to.
It shows up softly, like a bruise you forget about until you bump into it.

But for me, I will always have the hardest time with the guilt around the kids.

Even though they’re grown.
Even though they’re doing well.
Even when they reassure me a hundred times they’re fine.

The truth is, no mother wants her kids splitting holidays.
No mother wants to watch the people she loves most pack their bags after dinner and head to another home.
No mother wants to feel the empty part of the house after the car pulls out of the driveway.

And yet… here you are. Doing it. Living it. Navigating it.

And the funny thing is,

Some years it stings.
Some years it feels neutral.
And some years you’re surprised by how peaceful it is.

And here’s what I know:
You can be years past your divorce and still feel lonely on a holiday morning and profoundly grateful for the quiet.
You can miss what you once had and feel relieved you’re no longer living inside it.
You can feel guilty about the split time and know in your bones that you made the right choice.

Two truths can live in you at the same time.
And neither cancels the other out.

The truth is: you will always be rebuilding. Whether you’re one year or ten years post-divorce.
And it doesn’t mean anything is wrong with you.

It means you’re a woman who loved, who gave it her all, who chose herself, and who’s still choosing herself.

It means the holidays, with all their nostalgia, expectations, and emotional weight, ask you to meet yourself honestly each year and decide again:

What kind of season do I want to create now?

Maybe it’s a small gathering.
Maybe it’s a quiet morning alone that used to feel painful but now feels peaceful.
Maybe it’s a new tradition with your adult kids, or brunch on a random day because the calendar doesn’t determine connection.
Maybe it’s sleeping in, taking a long walk, or watching movies without needing to perform “holiday magic” for anyone.

Maybe it’s the first year you feel real freedom.

The freedom to not cook the big meal.
The freedom to skip the chaos.
The freedom to show up exactly as you are, tired, soft, joyful, grieving, grounded, or all of the above.

Because rebuilding isn’t about pretending the past never happened.
It’s about allowing your present life to feel like it fits.

And if you’re in that place, a few years out, still finding your rhythm, here’s what I want you to know:

You’re not doing it wrong.
You’re not being held to some invisible emotional timeline.
You’re not supposed to “get over” it by a certain year.

You are allowed to honor the sadness that still shows up.
You are allowed to release guilt that loves to make us feel like sh*t.
You are allowed to build traditions that nourish you, not just everyone else.

You are allowed to feel the peace you’ve worthy of, without apologizing for it.

And if this resonates for you, and you want support and steadiness as you navigate this season, my Holiday Divorce Survival Toolkit is here for you.
It’s not about fixing you. (Because you’re not broken.)
It’s about holding you, the whole you, through a time that brings up everything.

I want you to know you’re not alone..

Click here to learn more about the Tooklit to see if it’s for you.